Sample #3 - Book on Elder Care

Editing Samples: Before and After
The samples below are excerpted from various editing projects,
and address a wide range of subject areas

MORE SAMPLES AVAILABLE ON REQUEST

REWRITE:


A Fact vs. Fiction Face-Off in the War Against Acne

The good news about acne is that it’s not caused by chocolate or fatty foods. The bad news is that while it’s often most prevalent in teens, many people continue to struggle with it well into middle age.
 
Acne is more than just an unsightly skin condition. It can affect the sufferer’s emotional, social and even economic well-being by causing distress, low self-image, physical scarring and even unemployment. But what many people don’t know is that we’ve been misinformed about the cause and treatment of acne for decades, and a Fargo, ND plastic surgeon is taking a stand to set the record straight.

“Acne is an inflammatory condition of the hair follicle, commonly associated with hormones, the use of some medications and heredity,” explains Dr.  (________________), a board-certified plastic surgeon who has treated hundreds of acne patients. “Acne treatment requires patience, and unfortunately, no quick fix is available. When it’s a chronic problem, controlling it may take months and even years in some people.”

Sample #4 - Book on Wedding Planning

REWRITE​ 

 If you're like most young women, choosing the perfect wedding dress is a top priority, and the time to begin shopping for a dress is NOW. It's never too early to start planning your wedding, and because your dress will be the visual centerpiece of the event, it's extremely important to follow the tried-and-true guidelines we've outlined in this book. Even if you've hired a professional wedding planner to help with ceremony and reception details, choosing a dress is a uniquely personal process.

Sample #2 - Realtor Website

Sample #1 - Skin Care Product

ORIGINAL CLIENT TEXT: 

It may be easier to simply walk away from the catastrophic changes we witness in our aging parents. After all, we might tell ourselves, they are in a trustworthy facility, right? We might tell ourselves that we do not want or need to deal with an aging parent who was negligent and abusive; our heart may be so wounded that we shut down the heart’s engine, upon which we depend to light our way.

ORIGINAL CLIENT TEXT: 

The first thought that is likely to come to your mind after you have settled with the thought of getting married is when you should start preparing. The fact is that it is never too early to start the wedding preparations. There are so many things that need to be closed that unless you are organized and structured, you will never be able to finish in time. Yes, there is always the possibility of hiring a wedding planner but these people do not come cheap. And irrespective of how much time you have for the wedding, there are bound to be last minutes emergencies and situations that will crop up.

REWRITE​ 

It may be easier to simply ignore the catastrophic changes we observe in our aging parents. We might tell ourselves that our parents are in good hands in a trustworthy facility, or we might choose to abandon a parent who was negligent and abusive. We may be so wounded that we shut down our hearts.

ORIGINAL CLIENT TEXT: 

Welcome to the Best Deal Team’s website. Allow us to be your guide to finding and negotiating the best deal on brand new homes in Tampa Bay. Our clients save thousands because we are familiar with how the builders price their homes. Because we specialize in new construction, we provide a steady supply of customers to the builders. Our leverage may work in your favor at the negotiating table.

 

ORIGINAL CLIENT TEXT: 


Are you doing enough to get rid of your acne? It’s time to dispel some myths, and discover why your skin problems keep coming back!

If you still believe benzoyl peroxide is all you need to zap your acne, think again. Acne is a complex problem caused by more than one underlying factor. Some products with a single active ingredient, such as those containing benzoyl peroxide, may provide a quick fix but they don’t address all of the things that caused the acne to erupt in the first place. For a lasting clear complexion, medical experts recommend an all-natural, multi-layered approach which requires more than one active ingredient.

Some 40 to 50 million Americans suffer from some sort of acne, which is an inflammatory condition of the hair follicle. It is commonly associated with hormones, the use of some medications, and may run in families. Acne is a skin condition that may cause emotional distress, impact self-image and quality of life, and cause physical scarring. It is even associated with higher than average unemployment rates!1

“Acne treatment requires patience,” says  Dr. (____________ ), a board-certified plastic surgeon who has treated hundreds of acne patients. “Unfortunately, no quick fix is available. Acne is a chronic problem, and controlling it may take months and even years in some people.”
 

REWRITE​ 

While many realtors excel at locating and presenting existing homes that meet a buyer’s specific needs, we offer something unique and unprecedented in new home sales. Because of our trusted relationships with Tampa Bay’s most respected builders and developers, we have the ability to negotiate with them on price, terms, closing costs, customization options and other important issues. Our intimate familiarity with Tampa Bay’s new home inventories and their pricing structures allows us to help our clients save thousands of dollars.

Contact Terri

(503) 957-7419     terri@terridaniel.com